Killin' Time

It's raining outside, I just barely missed the 2:18 bus, I had an exam today so I'm...sitting in a cafe on campus waiting for the next bus to come. It's funny I used to have this really bothersome problem of having to pay for something when I'm just sitting somewhere. Like buying a cup of coffee while sitting in a cafe using their free wireless. Right now....not so much.

Updates:

• The class at church has been delayed until January because of lack of interest. They forgot to promote the next string of classes so nobody's signed up for anything. Alas, my adventures there will have to wait. Jaime's thinking that I should meet with the pastor in charge of the classes and layout what I want to teach and then let them decide if they really want me to teach. That way there's no surprises.
• Al Franken: God Spoke--Hilarious! If it comes to your neck of the woods, you've got to see it.
  
• Said exam went fine. I think I only missed two questions, we'll see when we get it back.
• nothing else to update

Miscellaneous:

It occurred to me that I used to not be very political. Democrat or Republican take it or leave it, neither one seemed all that great. I'm finding myself this time though really taken in and being passionate about not Republicans. I'm becoming increasingly liberal and looking for ways to put the conservative Christians in my life on the defensive. I had a dream last night that someone at church found out I was a Democrat and got all up in my face saying things like, "How can you be a Christian and vote Democratic?"

And I was like, "Why do you vote Republican? Just because their supposedly pro-life? They're not pro-life, they want to kill everything except unborn babies!" Then I gave them a Bible and was all like, "Show me where in the Bible it says not to commit abortion, and I'll show where it says to feed the poor, seek justice and be merciful."

And they were all like "Uh, Uh, Uh."

And the I was like, "Thought so."

Having read that, I think I have conflict issues with people in my church. I should work on that, or maybe I should just be myself and then not worry about it, or maybe I should just be mostly myself and kinda' worry about it...I think I need a therapist. I think I need to run to catch my bus.

It's Here!!!

I know you were all holding your breath in anticipation, but I've finally received my notebook from dell. This means that I can do all sorts of productive things while I'm on campus and can get into a work regimen. Of course that hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will. If it doesn't, I'm afraid I'll never get anywork done. I love being home and doing work there, but you just don't feel up to it when you hear your kids playing, dancing and singing...like they're doing right now...Obviously I'm busy working on my German...okay, maybe not but I should be. So I'm leaving now....

I'm Back!

Okay, being on campus without a job, means that I have no access to a computer. The other day, I visited 4 or 5 computer labs all of which were on hold for classes or had lines to use a computer. How horrible is that?

It doesn't help that they've officially closed down the library for a few years in order to remodel it, taking away all of its computers and not really replacing them anywhere. They've moved most of the books to a temporary place (read huge warehouse) about 2 miles off campus which is a bit inconvenient! As my experience today points out, it's not really ready to be used yet. I needed an article to translate for my German class, so I found one that the library was supposed to have, I road my bus to campus, took the new OSU bus to the library off campus only to find that the article was bust. It was there, but not really what I needed. No problem, right? I had three or four other possibilities, but I hadn't found their call numbers at home, because I thought that they would at least have computers there to access their catalogue....Nope! No catalogue, no desks to sit at to read/peruse/preview your books. A good 20% or so of the books weren't even on the shelves yet; they were still in the huge boxes they used to move everything. The only way I was able to find my new book, was to stop one of the guys shelving books and ask if he could find the call numbers. He kindly did and I was able to leave therewith my book, all good, but I can tell these next two years are gonna be a challenge with the library not right on campus...oh well.

Oh and yesterday our computer's power supply crapped out and I had to go to the store three times (because of my own foolishness, but annoying none the less) in order to get it fixed. And there's no real theme to this post except to possibly offer various excuses as to why I just spent a lot of money on a new laptop...bye!

Surreal Moment of the Week

Yesterday, my sole co-worker had to have been on something. He says he was just tired, but I bet it was something else. Here's why.

I was working the 9-6 shift at work (as opposed to the 8-5 shift) which meant that, because of bus schedules I got to work at 8.30...a little early. So I'm chillin' seeing if people happened to write anything since midnight the night before and his line starts ringing (we just got these new wireless phones at work that let you pick your ring tone and he chose Old McDonald). Imagine, if you will, a digitized melody of Old McDonald coming through the headset right into your ear and you would think that anyone would notice this. Not him; he's out with his head on the keyboard, drool, the whole nine yards. I wake him up and let him know that his phone is ringing, (by this time we're at the "and on his farm he had a pig" part) does he answer it? No! He picks up his mouse and looks at it like he's trying to answer his mouse instead of his phone (E-I-E-I-O).

"J, that's not your phone..."

He waves me off, (with an oink, oink here...) pushes the left mouse button, "Arts and Sciences Advising...." (phone still ringing "and an oink, oink there, here an oink...") Thinking they hung up on him, "Guess they didn't want to talk to me..." Head back down on his keyboard, he's back asleep (the ringer is now ending with a rousing "Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O!"). I kid you not when I say something along these lines (hanging up on people, not answering the phone on time, etc) happened three to four times before our boss arrived at 10 to find him still out on his keyboard.

Fast forward to later in the afternoon...he's back asleep and his phone's ringing and he's not hearing it. "J. J! Your phone's ringing man." With all sincerity he says, "Damn, that's the first time that's ever happened to me." Wanting to ring his neck and mock him at the same time, I merely turn to the windows and think, "We're all the blanket..."

A Priest, a Minister and a Pastor walk into a bar

the Rabbi ducked.

Books...

Jaime said that I'm being too curmudgeony and cranky lately. She thinks I'm being too overly negative and not excited and in love with life. I'm too picky. So now that I've read this little pamphlet in honor of my sister Anne Marie:


I'm about to follow Jaime's prescribed medicine for Church Malaise: A healthy dose of Anne Lamott:

Cha Cha Cha Changes!

Yes, blogger is making some changes to it's format, so I decided to take the plunge earlier, by signing up for the beta. This also gives me an opportunity to change, my template. I keep, simplifying, simplifying, simplifying... I can't edit the html just yet, so some of the banners and stuff will have to wait until then, but otherwise, I'm ready to go! Except now I have to go through all my previous blogs and label them, 'cause I think labels are cool!

Thoughts On Various Profound and Unprofound Topics

Jesus never publicly declared who he was, and never gave any direct formulaic argument on his relation to God, or other apologetic discourse. Instead he said that his actions told who he was and all his teachings had to do with how we treat other people. Therefore, if we try to convince people with apologetics, or try to make a case for Christ, etc are we committing a sin? We aren't following the example of Jesus who we're supposed to be imitating nor following his teaching of letting our good works be seen by men that they might glorify our father in heaven. I find it interesting that we use the teaching of salt and light, being a city on a hill and those other images to teach that we should be "witnesses." In reality, those teachings are purely ethical; they were meant to encourage us to righteousness (deeds) not formulaic arguments on who Christ is or the four spiritual laws as a way to eternal life.

I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable with the label of Christian for myself. There's just too much baggage with it (both personally and within society). So I offer the new non-threatening label: Puppy Pals of Jesus... of course, if your allergic to dogs that might have it's own baggage.
Seriously, as far as labels go here's my new one for me: Existential Christ Following Humanist.

The first season of 24 has too many plot holes, are they covered in the next season or just dropped? If they just leave them, I don't know if I really like the show, too sloppily written...also too many camera men were seen on camera, aren't they supposed to be behind the camera?

Do people make gay jokes because they're uncomfortable with their own sexuality? Is it really that scary that you have to demean the people by making them a by-word for something bad? That's so hetero!

Brice, you should just give up on MSN and start over on blogspot. Come to the new evil empire: Google! I use their search engine, blog, calendar and e-mail. I no longer have a soul, but I'm very organized (not to mention addicted to Google Earth).

Today I Saw An Amish Guy Riding A Harley

His license plate even said Amish. I'm hoping this gang is for real.

An aborted post...

So, I was thinking....wait, um...no never mind I wasn't...

Now What?

Here I am with this flamin' DSL and I can't figure out what to do next...Any suggestions?

So Long AOL, It Was Fun While It Lasted

We've made the decision to become upstanding citizens and stop mooching off AOL. For almost three years we've had free internet service thanks to AOL's ubiquitous free trial offers, but the time has come for us to part ways. Once in a blue moon we'd forget to cancel our free trial and get charged for a month and that was okay. We figured we probably owed them something. But the last few months we've been getting a crazy number of charges from multiple accounts we didn't have and it all added up to over a hundred and fifty dollars. That was not okay.

Because I'm a wonderful husband and provider for my family I sorted it all out with AOL and the bank. Our money will be returned and now I am a hero. But all this has tarnished our relationship with AOL. Things have become complex. It's no longer the trusting, they give while we take relationship that we've nurtured all these years. They want money up front now for their free trials and that's just not the kind of friendship I'm into. Love is unconditional and if AOL can't see that then it's time for both of us to move on.

The woman on the phone said that AOL changed their free trial system because people were actually using the free trials and then canceling just so they could start another free trial. I said, "Yeah, I'm one of those people." And she quickly said, "No offense." And really I wasn't offended. What did they expect me to do? Pay 25 bucks for dial-up every month out of my pathetic student's income when I could get it for free? Come on, I tried to cancel and for a straight year they wouldn't let me. No, no, no--we have really great services, don't cancel, we'll give you another two months for free. What was I supposed to do? Those call service people work hard, I didn't want to hurt their feelings so I (reluctantly) accepted their generous offers.

But now they collect their money up front and then return it after you've cancelled. If you're one day late canceling you could be out 75 bucks for a "free" three month trial. Even though AOL and I have worked long and hard at our relationship, it's just too much to risk. So I have decided to start anew with yahoo high speed. For 12.99 a month we'll have a chance to forge a new relationship of faster internet service that won't take up my phone line. It's not free, but it will have to do. And the cheap price only lasts for a year so I can only see more cancellations in our future.

Unfortunately, all this has made me fear commitment and expect rejection and betrayal. I'm looking over my shoulder now. Everything feels temporary. I'm a drifter in this world--no internet home, no more safety and stability. I've been burned and it's going to take a long, long time to get over this.

Food Fun

Inspired by my post on Squash Jello, Jessica left a link in the comments to a web site....It deserves more than a mere comment link. It needs full page exposure....So I offer:

Weight Watchers gone wrong...

What was I thinking complaining about geletanized squash? At least she didn't make me

Bean and Mushroom Salad:

















You really need to click on the link to fully experience the gelatinzed beans and mushrooms, not to mention beverages made from water, sherry extract and beef bouillon...I'm not kidding. And so much mackerel you have no idea... Thanks Jessica!

Celebrating 1,000 hits!

Yes, that's right we have surpassed the 1000 mark! To Celebrate, we're righting about it! We, the management of Luther's Monkey, wish to thank all the little people who have made this blog possible...everyone in Texas that my brother in California somehow knows. Those of you from Canada that also somehow know my brother. Those of you from Columbus, who used to live in California, but do not know my brother. The family and friends who stop by to see what latest boring thing is happening in my life, or question is in my brain, and last but not least all of you searching for Aviv, from Mtv's Fresh Meat Challenge...thank you so much....**smooch, smooch, royalty wave, wipes tears, walks off the wrong side of the stage then ushered to the right side by attractive model**

HOME

I can't express how good it is to be home.

He'Brew--Who Knew?

Our Greek teacher, Katarina, is leaving us and heading back to Greece. Life is so unfair. So last night we had a going away party for her. A few of us headed out to get some refreshments at a classy carry-out nearby and that is when something earth shattering occurred--I found He'brew, The Chosen Beer. Messiah Bold. No, I am not making this up. Allow me to share a few quotes from the packaging--

*Messiah Bold--It's the beer you've been waiting for!

*Why is this beer different from all other beers? As commanded, we at HE'BREW Beer have been fruitful and multiplied our offerings. Tradition teaches that the Messiah's name is Shalom-Peace. With your first sip of this rich, dark, and delicious libation, we hope to offer a momentary taste of microbrewed bliss. If you feel the sudden urge to beat your swords into ploughshares (Isaiah 2:4) or to picnic with the lion and the lamb (Is. 11:6). . .Rejoice! Now, our award-winning brewers can't claim supernatural powers--simply a fanatical commitment to brewing world-class beers. A truly scrumptious mitzvah (good deed)! Through the new Millenium and beyond, may your cups runneth over with the blessings of great beer and great shtick. To the Future! To a Bold Life! L'Chaim!

*Do not store fresh beer in saddle bags of white donkey.

It's all true folks. And it's pretty good beer. I think from now on this should be standard fare at all Melton Center gatherings. I bet a lot more people would show up for those extracurricular lectures.

Stone Mountain Confederate Fun

Having spent some of my formative years as a Yankee living in South Carolina, I can tell you that the Civil War is not dead. No, no, my friends, it is alive and well. If you haven't lived or spent time in the South, you might not know this, but it's true.

I was reminded of this yesterday when my grandparents stopped by. Despite being nearly 80, they still spent a lot of time traveling around the country visiting friends and lovely historical landmarks such as Stone Mountain Park in Georgia. Last night they were showing us some pictures of their visit to this "Eighth Wonder of the World" (according to the brochure).

The main attraction of Stone Mountain Park is a gigantic Confederate Memorial carving featuring Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee and President Jefferson Davis on horse-back. (The brochure didn't say Confederate President--just President. Hmmmm.)

On the front of the brochure was a large photo of a happy African-American family in the skyride that takes visitors 825 feet up to get a better view of the carving. Hmmmm. Does anyone else think this is in bad taste? What are they doing? Celebrating their oppressors? "Hey, honey, let's take the kids to see those fellas that would have kept us in chains. It'll be a fun day!"

Yes, I can just hear the white Southerners who created this bit of propaganda--"We're gonna put this family on the cover. Look how happy they is. Them black folk loved President Jefferson Davis. Nobody liked Lincoln. Them slaves knew they had it good. We was good to our slaves, but that Lincoln done got ev'rybody riled up about bein' free and NOW look at 'em! Nothin' but drugs and pimps and bling, bling. Well, we're gonna show them Yankees! Show 'em all the happy, well-adjusted blacks who knew what a good thing they had. Black folk celebratin' the Confederacy! We shoulda won that war."

Celebrating the progressive, integrated culture of the 19th century South.

Oops!

Uh...somehow the comment moderation got turned on and I don't know exactly how. So if you've tried to comment on something here and weren't able to, it's not because I hate you...it's because blogspot does. Sorry! All is fine now.

Spring Break?

So a sunny update from the fabulous beaches of Ft. Lauderdale! Yes, yes. While everyone is cold, wet and miserable in my home town of Columbus, Ohio, I'm enjoying the fun in the sun atmosphere of Ft. Lauderdale. . . . Really!

Whatever you may think, I did not spend my spring break sitting at work in front of a computer, with the phones ringing off the hook...by myself...with no one to talk to....and too busy to really read anything.

No, No! I was enjoying endless sandy beaches, good times and good friends. Wow, what sunsets! Look!


I know we're cast in shadows and you can't see our faces, but here's me and Jaime enjoying a wonderful sunset...really! I've gained about 75 pounds and Jaime's into hats now. That's us allright. We're not experiencing the gray, dismall cold and snowy weather in Columbus; we've got sun and 70's all week. Doing nothing but enjoying the spring weather of Florida....Not the winter weather of Columbus. . . Really. . .

I Am An HTML Genius!!!

Okay, I'm not. But I tweaked some things and now I feel pretty darn accomplished. Notice the "Reading" section on the right (Fine! Jaime is reminding me that she set that up first), BUT I figured out how to put the pictures to the links and the oh so sexy hover text.....Ooooo! Thank you for your appreciation and support during this character building experience. I'm a better man now because of it *sniff*. Thanks guys!

Um...Normal posts will resume soon.