My Childhood Babysitter (Who Shall Remain Nameless)
When my parents were still married, they would take me and my brother to The Babysitter, one of their friends from church. This woman would become my childhood nemesis. Why you ask? Was it because she always took her kids' side when there was an argument, even though they were the ones lying? Was it because she would then wash my innocent mouth out with soap? Was it because when I would sneak around the house pretending to be a spy she accused me of dancing (which is a BIG no-no) and when I said I wasn't she accused me of lying and again washed my mouth out with soap? Was it because I became a connoisseur of soap in her house? No, even though any one of those things taken on their own would warrant my intense dislike, no, the reason she became my nemesis can be summed up in two little words:
I kid you not. This is the one memory that's seared its way into my mind. Whenever I think of this woman all I can think of is gelatinous squash...with stuff thrown in....ugh....She is so notorious that in my house she is referenced only as "Squash Jello Lady."
In my adult life my mom and I would go around and around, not about the babysitter's discipline habits or the merits of Dial in one's mouth over Ivory, but about the veracity of the dreaded squash jello. It became so heated one day that she called up the old babysitter on the sopt and asked her directly, "Did you ever feed my son (dramatic pause) squash Jello?" Of course she flatly denied it and made up some story of a squash casserole...but in my heart I know I'm right. I'm not going to wash my mouth out with soap this time, because I remember it. Jiggling and yellow, filled with fruit....it makes me break out in sweats just thinking about it.
I've tried to find an online recipe for this thing, but as of yet I've not succeeded. But in case you should doubt me that anyone could come up with something as horribly disgusting as squash jello I offer the following recipes that I have found:
Asparagus Casserole (note the name "Casserole" but notice its made with....gelatin)
Garden Vegetable Salad Mold
And it's not that hard to go from Squash Jelly...to a Squash Jello
And I was not alone in my suffering so if you need more evidence, ask Brad.
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8 comments:
I believe you 100%. Gelatinized squash is a crime against humanity.
Ugh. Some things I try to forget in my life. Thank you for causing the flashbacks. Shudder. Her "squash casserole" is the stuff of legend. She combined things in there that are crimes against humanity and cooking. It's amazing how often I ate soap because of what her kids did.
YIKES! Creepy
Is the photograph actually of your babysitter?
In looking for the gelatin squash recipe, have you tried looking under "squash aspic"? Because what you describe sounds a lot like aspic (tomato aspic being fairly common in my hometown). Anyhow, for more exciting recipes that would feel quite at home next to a platter of squash jello, and incredulous commentary on these recipes, please check out one of my favorite websites:
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html
Oh yes, that's her. My mom gave her kids a sort of "this is your life" photo album. As a joke, she gave us pictures of her and her kids. So that's her.
Squash aspic? What the...? It does sound like it, can you fold in grapes, bananas, etc into it?
I suppose you *could* fold those fruits into aspic, but I honestly don't know why anyone would do so voluntarily. Unless they were derranged, of course... and your other memories of this woman lead me to wonder whether the mental instability that characterized her other actions may have also informed her culinary impulses.
I'm often astonished at what people choose to consume. Have you looked at that website I mentioned above? Perhaps your babysitter had the recipe cards that are displayed on that website, and she sincerely thought she was feeding you delicious dishes. Or perhaps she disliked babysitting you so intensely that she plotted to traumatize you with ungodly meals so that your parents wouldn't ask her to look after you ever again?
I'm guessing the latter.
Me too.
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