Why We Homeschool and Why You Shouldn't Ask

Yesterday Jaime was talking to a friend of a friend. She had known this person for about 5 minutes. Those first 5 minutes after meeting someone have become agonizing because in that first 5 minutes these polite social questions are asked--"What are your girls' names?" "How old are they?" "What grade is Moira in?" "What school does she go to?" Then the person finds out we homeschool and 9 times out of 10 the conversation takes a turn for the worse. Things go from polite to probing to annoying to (sometimes) infuriating.

"Why do you homeschool?" "How do you know what to teach?" "Do you have a teaching degree?" "What curriculum do you buy?" "How do you know you're staying at grade level?" "Does the state monitor what you do?" "Who checks your portfolio?" "Doesn't she miss being around her friends during the day?" "Do you put her in outside classes?" "How long do you think you'll do this?" "When do you think you'll reach your limit on what you can teach?"
In between these questions come the opinions (and everyone who asks these questions has a lot of opinions).

During these interrogations we politely answer the questions. We are not rude. We do not ask questions like "Why do you put your children in public/private school?" "How long do you intend to keep them there?" "What are the class sizes?" "In what colleges or universities were the teachers educated?" "Do the teachers all have Masters degrees?" "What kind of continuing education is required for the teachers?" "How do you make sure your children are being taught to their potential?" "How many times a week do they have gym/music/art class?" "What kind of field trips do they take?" "Do you enroll them in outside classes?" "How long do you think you'll be able to help them with their homework--when will you be over your head?"

No, we do not do that, because that would be absurd. That would be invasive, rude and downright strange. AND YET this is what we get ALL THE TIME. And this is what Jaime got yesterday from the friend of a friend who thought that because we homeschool we must explain ourselves to her and to the rest of the world.

We decided a long time ago that this sort of thing must stop, but we've never been able to create that one sentence that says "we do not need to explain ourselves to you" in a nice, polite, friendly yet firm way. We scratched the "Why the hell do you care?" response. We thought "What is wrong with you?" was a little aggressive. And "Do you even realize how rude you're being right now?" could be alienating. So we're up for suggestions.

It's important not to make this some sort of defensive attack because most of the people asking these questions aren't mean people; they're just oblivious. Jaime genuinely liked this friend of a friend after they got beyond the homeschool gauntlet. We don't want to blow people away, we just want to lovingly shut them up.

And don't get me wrong, I don't want to make homeschooling an off limits subject. Feel free to ask me questions about it, just not in the first five minutes. I'd love to have an actual discussion about it if you're really interested and if we actually know each other. But save your questions if you're just using them to express your prefabricated opinions.

(Oh, and the title of this post suggests that I will explain why we homeschool, but, after all I've said, I really don't need to answer that question, now do I?)