Relief
I have written before about being an idiot in front of my Hebrew professors. Last time, I blamed it on the lack of coffee, but in all reality being an idiot in public is a big fear of mine. Especially now that I'm going for my graduate degree, I'm always thinking to myself. "Why did you say that? You know it's not that! Now they think you're an idiot!" Or some other less intelligent person or slacker in the class actually knows the answer and shows me up, because I was having a brain lapse. I hate that.
But today, I got some relief from all of that anxiety. One of my professors said, he doesn't care when we have a brain lapse, or just say the first thing that comes to mind even if it's wrong. For him, it's a part of the learning process. He said he doesn't even grade on class participation, because he's experienced that some people come to class and just soak it in, but man they get it. They'll hand in some terrifically amazing paper or midterm but never say a word in class. They have to process it and that's cool with him.
This is a relief, because I have a running list of every stupid, idiotic or basic mistake I have made in front of my professors. . . and it keeps getting longer and longer. I gain some sollace from my other friends in the Hebrew program, as we hangout laughing at our stupidity and sharing our anxiety. At least I'm not alone. But now, I can toss it all out the window! No worries! I can forget about the time I was reading Hebrew in front of my advisor and just couldn't for the life of me pronounce the most basic word right. I can forget about shouting out the wrong answer to the same question three times in a row today in my Biblical Hebrew class (I'll spare the boring geeky details). I can forget, everytime I get something wrong about the Prophets or Genesis or some basic idea in front of the person considering me for a TA position for course on the Prophets. Because mistakes are a part of learning!
All my catalogued wrongs will just go right out the window!
Who am I kidding? No they won't. . .
Labels:
School
3 comments:
Just so the world knows, I'm commiting myself to writing something everyday for the next week or so. I'm still trying to get through this d@#* writers block.
This post makes you sound stupid. Give yourself some credit! Talk about how in Greek class someone asked about a certain Persian king and that turned into you at the blackboard spontaneously listing all the kings in order with the dates of their reign. And you weren't even studying Persian kings in that class. You knew all that because you are an absolute nerd. You're not stupid, you just know SO much that you can't possibly be expected to remember how to read basic Hebrew ALL the time. Some of that has to be pushed out to accomodate the new stuff you're learning.
I can't believe you were relieved by our Professor's remark that he didn't count class participation because silent students often submit terrific written work. My response was the opposite: "oh, so now if I keep my wrong answers to myself in class, he will expect a brilliant essay at the end of the term!" Since there's no way that I can produce a brilliant essay, I'm going to stick to class participation and accept the consequences.
Congratulations on the Persian kings timeline in your Greek class! We must cling to our moments of academic glory, for who knows when they will repeat themselves...
Post a Comment