Happy 4th Night of Hanukkah

Happy 3rd Night of Hanukkah!

Happy 2nd Night of Hanukkah!!

Happy Hanukkah!!

For Anne Marie

Another one enters the fray

The matriarch of the siblings, Jennie/Jennifer has now entered the blogging fray! You can find her on Filing Rooms in the places to go section!

A White Russian...

made with soy milk, puts a whole new meaning on "Drink Responsibly"

Disgruntled Is She ???

Jaime wrote a wonderfully long post how she's disgruntled at the cafe "ministry" where we volunteer at our church. I am equally disgruntled, but I also have to do cheesy Christmas music for four services this weekend. The music is so difficult, and yet so poorly written that I have an extremely high level of anxiety on this one. I even had anxiety dreams last night, I don't even know when the last time I had an anxiety dream was, but here I am having them last night.

You would think that I had learned my lesson the last time I did something like this. It was for a praise and worship night they called "Rain" and it was all gospel music. Not like Aretha gospel, not even like Kirk Franklin gospel it was just bad cheesy white-people-tryin-to-be-black gospel, blah...That was the one when the worship leader said it was going to be kinda funky, and I said, "Oooh, like George Clinton and the P-Funk funky?" After staring at me for a significant amount of time..."No, not that funky." "Oh.."

So this time when he called and asked if I would be willing to play acoustic for the Christmas Musical (which isn't technically a musical, it's just a bunch of Christmas music trying to make the impression of a neutral environment so they can then switcheroo to the gospel message) you would think...He's smart, he's getting his masters, a Phd. he'll say no...but I said yes. So now I had one week to learn these horribly bad songs with four key changes (because key changes are emotive, so four key changes are really emotive).

Oh, and then there's the really bad spoken segues, that when I was listening to the CD they gave me, I thought, At least they won't have that crap...Wrong again! So not only do I have to deal with my church selling its soul in the cafe. I also have to deal with the crappy music that is going on this weekend. And there is nothing worse than having to play difficult music that you don't like; the effort to reward relationship is way too low.


P.S. I really wish I could do those links so you could get snipets of how bad this stuff is, but it's a Christian album and a set program, so they've got a copyright on everything there and you can't even get lyric sheets without paying an arm and a leg for them....

Lists of...

Questions:
1. Is it possible that one has to go backward morally in order to go forward compassionately? Or, is it possible to attain the highest morality and be truly compassionate with others?

2. If Jesus is an atonement sacrifice, why Passover? There is nothing remotely connected to atonement within Passover, so why choose that as the day of Crucifixion, if the point of the sacrifice is atonement? Why not Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) that would make more sense?

Books I want to write:
1. God:The Humanist
2. Neither Science nor Religion: Getting Beyond the Tools of Tribalism
3. Orthopraxy: A Postmodern Christian Ethic
4. The Penitent God: God as an Example of Repentance
5. Looking to Perfection: God as an Example of Attainable Perfection

Books I want to read:
1. United States v. George Bush, et al.
2. Palestine: Peace not Apartheid
3. Thy Kingdom Come

P.S. I had more to say at the beginning of finals, but now it's all gone...*sigh*

DONE!!!

Exam... at 7.30... this morning...got up at 6.30... was up till midnight watching Aliens....must get...sleep....

Tomorrow's my last day for the quarter!!!

And here I am taking theolgical tests!!!

Emergent/Postmodern 86% Modern Liberal 79% Classical Liberal 71% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 50% Roman Catholic 46% Neo orthodox 39% Charismatic/Pentecostal 36% Reformed Evangelical 14% Fundamentalist 0% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

3 Days to the End of the Quarter!!

And I've spent the better half of the morning NOT studying for either of my remaining exams! Yes!

4 Days to the End of the Quarter!!!!

And I've finished my French project due on Monday, and that gives me all weekend to study for my last two exams next week!!!

5 Days to the End of the Quarter!!!!

And I kicked some hiney on my first exam today, and found out that I've already completed my research language requirement ala my German so I don't have to take any of those classes any more!!

6 Days to the End of the Quarter!!!!

And my first exam is tomorrow! Yay!

7 Days to the End of the Quarter!!!!

Game On!

Things that have come up since I went on hiatus:

• Why are people amazed that there is a religious studies section at OSU that allows you to focus on the Bible. I recently got this question, "Can you do it without all that 'Liberal' stuff?" I answered, "Yeah, you can, but I'm a bit liberal myself, so we all get along." I told Jaime this and she came back with, "What do you mean by liberal?" Then it occured to me--What do they mean by liberal? That I disagree with them or that I disagree with the Bible? By liberal, do they mean that I focus on caring for the poor, needy and outcast of society at the expense of alleged personal righteousness? Like Jesus, right, who was called a drunkard and a sinner, because he kept such good company? If you mean liberal like that, then yeah I'm a liberal. That might smack too much of sarcasm...oh well. Why is liberal a bad word anyway?
• How can Christians vote for the Democrats, don't they just want to do the job that the Church should be doing anyway? This question kinda' sat in my craw for awhile. I used to think that way, but just gave up on turning my back on the poor. I couldn't get the Church to do anything, but I felt like I at least had a voice in the government, that could vote and say, poverty is wrong and we need to take care of it. But thinking about this question, I realize that it's making a distinction that I don't make personally anymore, and maybe that's why it's so hard for me to answer. That is, isn't any endeavor taken up by Christians (a distinction that I'm not quick to make; cf my Good Samaritan post) in any arena, a church related endeavor? Or in another way, isn't anything that seeks to alleviate poverty following Jesus' way and thus a Christian endeavor regardless of the environment within which it occurs?
• On a new blog I'm checking in on was a link to this test. This was to see how bad of a christian you really are (bad is good in this case). This is for some fundi-organization. I scored a 15, placing me in the socialist world view, and thus a bad christian! Yay! I knew I had it in me. *sniff*
• I really like George Clinton and the P-funk all stars. I would like to say that my parents were all cool and introduced me to the Parliament Funk, but no, I wouldn't become aware of them until I saw the movie PCU...I need to see that movie again.
• While looking for the clip of George Clinton in PCU, I found this instead:

pause

Not that I've been terribly consistent, but I'm going to be stopping for awhile. An official sabbatical from here for a spell. Too much school and disorganized thoughts to get down on digital paper. I'll be visiting with y'all on your blogs, and those in town hopefully more in person. Peace.

Happy November!

I don't know exactly why it's a happy November, but I can't think of any reason to not have a happy November, so...happy November! This would disapoint my apolitical father, but go-out-and-vote-on-tuesday-for-christ's-sake! Especially if you're planning on voting Democratic, if you're planning on voting Republican...I think the polls open on Wednesday. If you're a Canadian citizen, sorry it's against the law for you to vote in America.

I think this is a bum rap for those of you outside the U.S. I mean come on, everything we do has a global impact. I think the entire world should be given like at least a 1/2 vote toward the Presidency...it's only fair. How often do we dictate who dictates other countries? They should be able to dictate who gets to dictate their dictators, don't you think?

I'm watching 24 season 4, and I love how it paints the Presidents as these uber-honest good people. Even when they get their hands dirty in something like the last one, he's still a good and noble person at heart. They love America and they try to promote this idea that the ends justify the means no matter what. Yay for people like Jack Bauer who can kill innocent people in a second in order to further his cause...the USA! God bless the USA!

Killin' Time

It's raining outside, I just barely missed the 2:18 bus, I had an exam today so I'm...sitting in a cafe on campus waiting for the next bus to come. It's funny I used to have this really bothersome problem of having to pay for something when I'm just sitting somewhere. Like buying a cup of coffee while sitting in a cafe using their free wireless. Right now....not so much.

Updates:

• The class at church has been delayed until January because of lack of interest. They forgot to promote the next string of classes so nobody's signed up for anything. Alas, my adventures there will have to wait. Jaime's thinking that I should meet with the pastor in charge of the classes and layout what I want to teach and then let them decide if they really want me to teach. That way there's no surprises.
• Al Franken: God Spoke--Hilarious! If it comes to your neck of the woods, you've got to see it.
  
• Said exam went fine. I think I only missed two questions, we'll see when we get it back.
• nothing else to update

Miscellaneous:

It occurred to me that I used to not be very political. Democrat or Republican take it or leave it, neither one seemed all that great. I'm finding myself this time though really taken in and being passionate about not Republicans. I'm becoming increasingly liberal and looking for ways to put the conservative Christians in my life on the defensive. I had a dream last night that someone at church found out I was a Democrat and got all up in my face saying things like, "How can you be a Christian and vote Democratic?"

And I was like, "Why do you vote Republican? Just because their supposedly pro-life? They're not pro-life, they want to kill everything except unborn babies!" Then I gave them a Bible and was all like, "Show me where in the Bible it says not to commit abortion, and I'll show where it says to feed the poor, seek justice and be merciful."

And they were all like "Uh, Uh, Uh."

And the I was like, "Thought so."

Having read that, I think I have conflict issues with people in my church. I should work on that, or maybe I should just be myself and then not worry about it, or maybe I should just be mostly myself and kinda' worry about it...I think I need a therapist. I think I need to run to catch my bus.

A square peg...

I'm sitting in a cafe in between classes trying to work on this class I'm putting together for my Church. I only have a couple of weeks left until it begins and I've probably written the overview class three times, the Torah section about 5 and I've just started on the prophets. I'm running into two problems.

The first is time, I'm not sure how much information will take up an hour's worth of time, this isn't that big of a deal, I'll just keep talking until the hour's up. Hopefully I won't run out of time and not be able to cover everything I want to talk about, but I'm pretty good on the fly and I'll have notes to work from. I'll manage the hour.

The second and larger problem, is figuring out exactly what I can get away with. Can I say that Moses didn't write the Torah? Can I talk about Genesis and Exodus in terms of mythology? Specifically can I say that the last time I spoke with a walking talking lizard was, Oh....never, and that in the ancient near east animals had a specific meaning? I'm thinking of talking in the sense of parables instead of myth, but it is possible that even hinting at a non-literal understanding could get me in trouble.

Can I mention that the Bible isn't really God's mouth piece to the world, but men dealing with God in certain situations and cultures? Can I bring in the Jewish culture and their understanding of evil as not being from Satan, but being from God and that men are not created wicked, but innocent and blessed by God? Can I tell them that prophecy has less to do with the future than the present historical framework of the prophet?

I'm having all these problems because I like this church, I like the people that I know, and I don't want to be ostracized. I don't think I would be, but if I play my cards right I'll be able to teach other classes and hopefully, over the next two years infiltrate enough liberal theology to make some difference within the church. With this being my first time, I just have some anxiety about how much is too much. As of right now, I'm leaning toward being more open about scholarship and Judaism. I guess part of it is going to depend on who signs up for the class and what they're like...I might just have to play it by ear...I can do that, I'm just not going to be able to give handouts and all that fun stuff.

Phone-a-phobia

Faith called us last night and she and Jaime talked and talked and talked. I was only able to talk to her for a few minutes, but hopefully we'll be able to talk more. She had homework and as I said, "I'm not good on the phone." And really I'm not. I'm deadly afraid of the phone. I hate talking on the phone not because I hate connecting with people but because my past has allowed this phobia to infiltrate my psyche.

Here is the history of my interaction with phones. One of my first memories is talking to my mother over the phone immediately following my parents divorce. The one sentence that I can remember saying to her: "I hate you." And really through my childhood I connected the phone with stress and conflict with my family.

It didn't change much in my adult life either. As a banker, the phone was my primary tool for manipulating people into doing what I wanted them to do. If I needed more clients, I would make phone calls trying to convince people that they needed to talk to me. The popular tactics of the time were, "We need to sit down to review your accounts and possibly offer you a higher interest rate." The real goal of this meeting was to try to get these people to invest with me. People opening checking accounts were potential loan customers; loan customers were potentially investment clients. All this business was on the phone as was getting yelled at by customers because their loan wasn't happening fast enough resulting in me
yelling at the lender over the phone.

Combine all of that with our last church, where a phone call from the pastor meant that you'd screwed up somewhere and he was going to let you know, and you'd spend the better part of the evening getting told what was wrong with you and what you needed to do to correct it...i.e. more conflict.

So even though I know that most normal people do not use the phone to yell at people, I'm still afraid of it. I also feel like I need to have this amazingly deep conversation with people all the time, and I can't handle that kind of pressure. So to anyone who calls and has the misfortune of talking to me...I'm sorry...I really do want to talk to you, I just have these weird psychological issues to deal with...I think I need to build up more positive phone interactions so please call, but understand this... My name is Ben and I'm a phone-a-phobic...

Addicted to Documentaries

I just spent this weekend watching this movie and I have to tell everyone that this is a must watch. It reveals the gross underbelly of what makes a corporation how they think (they'd be psychopaths if they really were individuals) the lack of care and concern for individuals and the world, and so much more. You might be thinking, "Duh, I know all that..." but you probably don't know this much about it. From the mouths of various CEO's from big corporations to leading economists like Milton Friedman from the University of Chicago, to anti-corporate combaters like Michael Moore they are all here and put together in an in depth analysis of the corporation...

(One word of warning, the whole bit on the dairy farms and Monsanto might make you vegan...it's worked for us...)



And that's just the movie I saw this weekend! This Saturday is our 11 year anniversary and right now we're planning on going to see Jesus Camp at the Drexel East movie theater. It has provoked much comment among my family and friends and I'm looking forward to seeing it and reporting back on what I think about it (because I know you're all dying to know my opinion about everything!).




Then to top it all off on the 24th we get to go to see Al Franken's God Spoke at the Wexner Center for the Arts and I can't wait! I saw the preview for this film and thought I've got to see this. I'm most impressed with this man's ability to just rip into the right's talking heads and not be afraid of the back lash. If it were me I'd go the John Stewart route, "The thing about criticizing someone on their own show is that they're there....Awkward!" Anyway, it will be a week filled with liberal left leaning diatribes and will be totally refreshing...aaahhh I can feel the release already....

Talk about spotty blogging...

I have this really guilty conscience whenever I'm doing anything that's not homework so there has been a great decline in frequency but allow me to give my excuses: I'm taking 16 credit hours (the minimum for full time is 12) all graduate courses in 3 different languages. Observe:

1) French for Graduate Research 1 (i.e. learn to read French, but not speak it so when someone on your bus sees you with the French textbook and starts talking to you in French, you can point out that it says French For Reading--speaking hypothetically of course)

2) German for Graduate Research 2 (i.e. find a scholarly article on your subject and start translating you lazy S.O.B.)

3) Hebrew 601--basics of Biblical Hebrew Grammar or...how to know what vowel goes where because you foolishly picked a language without vowels...

and the killer

4) Hebrew 621--Jerusalem through out the ages. Taught 90% in Hebrew with readings from Biblical to modern day writers. Let me explain that it's much like reading about London from writers in the oldest English possible to modern English...totally different grammatical structures and I've been working with about 5 different lexicons to translate all of them.

So right now, my brain is fried from my French and I'm slacking off on my German (I still need to translate one more page for tomorrow) and feeling anxiety build up. Must run...

A Poem

In one of my Heberew classes we're looking at how Jerusalem has been viewed in Jewish Literature through out time. For the modern perspective we've been reading some beautiful poems from Yehuda Amichai. One of my favorites is entitled "Jerusalem"

Upon a roof in the Old City,
Laundry is illuminated in the afternoon light:
The white sheet of a woman who is an enemy,
The towel of a man who is an enemy
To wipe the sweat of his brow.

And in the sky of the Old City
A kite.
At the end of the string--
A child,
Whom I can't see
Because of the wall.

We have raised up many flags,
They have raised up many flags.
To make us think that they're happy.
To make them think that we're happy.

It's Here!!!

I know you were all holding your breath in anticipation, but I've finally received my notebook from dell. This means that I can do all sorts of productive things while I'm on campus and can get into a work regimen. Of course that hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will. If it doesn't, I'm afraid I'll never get anywork done. I love being home and doing work there, but you just don't feel up to it when you hear your kids playing, dancing and singing...like they're doing right now...Obviously I'm busy working on my German...okay, maybe not but I should be. So I'm leaving now....

Happy Rosh HaShanah!

This is the beginning of the days of awe in the Jewish calendar ending with one of the holiest days of the Jewish calendar, Yom Kippur. These are days of introspection, repentance and reconciliation with God and man. Check out this link for more information!

I'm Back!

Okay, being on campus without a job, means that I have no access to a computer. The other day, I visited 4 or 5 computer labs all of which were on hold for classes or had lines to use a computer. How horrible is that?

It doesn't help that they've officially closed down the library for a few years in order to remodel it, taking away all of its computers and not really replacing them anywhere. They've moved most of the books to a temporary place (read huge warehouse) about 2 miles off campus which is a bit inconvenient! As my experience today points out, it's not really ready to be used yet. I needed an article to translate for my German class, so I found one that the library was supposed to have, I road my bus to campus, took the new OSU bus to the library off campus only to find that the article was bust. It was there, but not really what I needed. No problem, right? I had three or four other possibilities, but I hadn't found their call numbers at home, because I thought that they would at least have computers there to access their catalogue....Nope! No catalogue, no desks to sit at to read/peruse/preview your books. A good 20% or so of the books weren't even on the shelves yet; they were still in the huge boxes they used to move everything. The only way I was able to find my new book, was to stop one of the guys shelving books and ask if he could find the call numbers. He kindly did and I was able to leave therewith my book, all good, but I can tell these next two years are gonna be a challenge with the library not right on campus...oh well.

Oh and yesterday our computer's power supply crapped out and I had to go to the store three times (because of my own foolishness, but annoying none the less) in order to get it fixed. And there's no real theme to this post except to possibly offer various excuses as to why I just spent a lot of money on a new laptop...bye!

Response to Anne on Jesus Camp

Okay, the third time I tried writing this. Anne Marie said this. To which Jaime brilliantly replied this. In response to an up coming documentary called Jesus Camp.


So what's my take? I find that stuff scary, repulsive and...scary. I feel so bad for those kids, they're growing up learning to hate other religious traditions, to see that confrontation not dialogue is love and to see time as running out so patience is not a virtue anymore, especially when it comes to people's souls. This is so the opposite of what I want my girls to grow up with, and it's part of the anxiety I have with our current main stream evangelical church. They don't talk in the rhetoric that is seen in the clips from the video, if they did I would run for the hills, but they do constantly push "making a choice for Jesus..." getting your friends to "make a choice for Jesus..." and all that other evangelistic rhetoric that I'm very uncomfortable with.

We often find ourselves correcting certain aspects of the church's teaching, and one of my greatest fears is that she grows up to be like them (as in sign on their dotted theological line). So why do we go there? They fit a need that we had when we left our old church. They were huge so you could get lost if you wanted to, but they also had lots of kids for our girls to play with, and they have so much fun. And even though I disagree with some of what the church teaches, I love the people. They are genuine in their belief and sincere in their love for other people, and if the church leaders would help facilitate it, they have the money, resources and desire to make a huge difference for the poor people on the west side of Columbus

For our kids, I want them to grow up and love all people regardless of their religion, etc. I want them to respect all forms of spirituality that are positive and acknowledge those forms that are negative. I would love for them to grow up directly following the teachings of Christ, but if they grow up and choose a different tradition, I hope they continue caring for the poor and needy, fighting injustice and loving and respecting all people. That's my main goal for them. I don't have verses(sorry Jaime!) not because they don't exist, but I don't have the time or desire to find them.

Anne's post sparked a lot of other ideas which I'll write on later, but she wanted direct feedback on what we do/desire for our kids. So there you go.

P.S. I echo Jaime's apology for being a self-righteous bitch (maybe that doesn't work for me. Anne, just insert your own gender appropriate cuss word for me). I'm sorry I made you feel guilty, unable to speak your mind and disagree. I'm sorry for anything we've done that wasn't truly loving you, but seeking out a righteous image. NOW, we don't judge anything you do and part of why I am honest with you about so much of my questions is because I want to correct all that image, judgment, etc. Truly sorry.

Bush's Brilliant Rhetoric

"It's unacceptable to think there's any kind of comparison between the behavior of the United States of America and the action of Islamic extremists who kill innocent women and children to achieve an objective,"

Because we kill innocent women and children in the name of God and our self interest and they kill innocent women and children in the name of Allah and their self interest. See the difference: God vs. Allah totally different dieties...

My Evil Plan is Working Perfectly!!!

I have been given the opportunity of a life time. I have been trying to do less at church, so I can have the flexibility of not being there if I needed the weekend to do work or other important stuff...like hang out with friends. While I did get my stint at the cafe cut in half (every other week), I have some how ended up playing guitar (probably every week) and then last night one of the pastors approached me about putting together a four week introductory class on the Old Testament.

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Now the challenge will be figuring out how to sneak in some liberal theology without anyone noticing....

Surreal Moment of the Week

Yesterday, my sole co-worker had to have been on something. He says he was just tired, but I bet it was something else. Here's why.

I was working the 9-6 shift at work (as opposed to the 8-5 shift) which meant that, because of bus schedules I got to work at 8.30...a little early. So I'm chillin' seeing if people happened to write anything since midnight the night before and his line starts ringing (we just got these new wireless phones at work that let you pick your ring tone and he chose Old McDonald). Imagine, if you will, a digitized melody of Old McDonald coming through the headset right into your ear and you would think that anyone would notice this. Not him; he's out with his head on the keyboard, drool, the whole nine yards. I wake him up and let him know that his phone is ringing, (by this time we're at the "and on his farm he had a pig" part) does he answer it? No! He picks up his mouse and looks at it like he's trying to answer his mouse instead of his phone (E-I-E-I-O).

"J, that's not your phone..."

He waves me off, (with an oink, oink here...) pushes the left mouse button, "Arts and Sciences Advising...." (phone still ringing "and an oink, oink there, here an oink...") Thinking they hung up on him, "Guess they didn't want to talk to me..." Head back down on his keyboard, he's back asleep (the ringer is now ending with a rousing "Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O!"). I kid you not when I say something along these lines (hanging up on people, not answering the phone on time, etc) happened three to four times before our boss arrived at 10 to find him still out on his keyboard.

Fast forward to later in the afternoon...he's back asleep and his phone's ringing and he's not hearing it. "J. J! Your phone's ringing man." With all sincerity he says, "Damn, that's the first time that's ever happened to me." Wanting to ring his neck and mock him at the same time, I merely turn to the windows and think, "We're all the blanket..."

A Priest, a Minister and a Pastor walk into a bar

the Rabbi ducked.

My Own Antidote For Church Malaise

So I've been grumpy lately or as Jaime put it I'm " overly negative and not excited and in love with life." She said I needed to get over it and recomended Anne Lamott books. Just for the record, if someone is having problems with people dying from cancer way too young, Anne Lamott books are not a good idea (Jaime didn't know this specifically is what was getting me down, so don't be mad at her).

Instead, I found my answer to the "theodicy duldrums" in two movies we happened to see back to back preceded by a service at church all about faith in the midst of shit (the pastor obviously didn't use that language, that's mine). The first movie we saw was In America. OMG! What a great flick! Joy in the midst of suffering, hope even when scary things are happening and being able to let go of a dead/dying loved one. This one really hit the spot, we watched this Monday night and following up on the Church service on Saturday, had me feeling pretty good.



The second movie we watched was Big Fish. I've just gotta say, I love Tim Burton movies. I could totally relate to the son trying to figure out the truth behind the myths of his father. I don't know why this movie specifically helped with my current church malaise, but it did. Maybe just having an uplifting, sweet, quirky movie was all I needed to finally pull myself out of the last bit of my doldrums.




Anyway, both movies are highly recommended especially as medicine for Church Malaise, or Theodicy Duldrums. Honestly, I'm not any closer to the answers of those questions that caused the grumpiness in the first place, but I'm okay with it now and can move on and maybe look for better answers than the standard lines we've been fed...or maybe not I'm gonna be pretty busy over the next few years.

The Irony

I'm reading this book just for the irony:



Actually, I heard it's really good and a must read for anyone getting ready to do graduate work, so I'm hoping it'll help out. But I'm also really enjoying the irony right now....

Something I Learned About Myself Today

3 years after my mother died from cancer, I'm still not okay with it. I wish she were around to see all her grandkids, to see me in grad school to see the wonderful women that her two girls are becoming. I try to put her death in perspective, like it happened for a reason, but I fail to see it directly. I try to think of her in a better place or at the least not suffering anymore and the only thing that's driving these bouts of depression and missing her is my own selfishness so I should just get the hell over it and move on. Okay...fine.

But then I think that it was a hellish end of her life. Emaciated and in constant pain using all of her strength just to be lucid. Why did it have to be like that? But isn't that the way most people die? Even in its most beautiful circumstances Death is horribly ugly...it's scary...Maybe there is a lesson learned in the suffering of death and dying, perhaps it is the greatest lesson to be learned and we can't learn it until that time comes. Perhaps it is my own inability to suffer that drives this questioning and this pain and if I would just accept suffering as a part of life, then I would get better.

I guess that leads me to my current conclusion about the purpose of suffering and dying. Suffering has no purpose unless we give it one. That is, if the suffering that I go through because my mother died from cancer without being able to see her grandchildren grow up has no effect upon my life then it has no purpose. I have not given it any. However if it drives me to visibly change my life as a result of that suffering then it has a purpose, because I have instilled it with a purpose. Otherwise, I'm not sure I can find a reason for all the suffering around me right now.

Death, as far as I can tell, could have two possible reasons. The first is, as I mentioned above, that death is the ultimate suffering and must have some ultimate lesson behind it, if we allow it to have that effect. Second is that death is really the biggest reminder that we are not God. In the Genesis story the only difference between the Divine and Humanity is initially that people didn't know the difference between good and evil. Once that knowledge was gained, God decided that the new difference would be that people would now have to face death. So dying reminds us that we are not the Divine. Perhaps that is the lesson to be learned from it, perhaps it is something else...I don't know.

The Daily Show in Columbus!!

I just saw the good news! Can you believe it? The Daily show is going to be taping their shows for the week leading up to the midterm elections at OSU! YES! Guess who's already e-mailed requests for tickets? Hope I get 'em. I just need a picture of myself like Brad's.

Guess who already got an e-mail back saying they're not taking anymore requests? AAAARRGGHH!!!!

Books...

Jaime said that I'm being too curmudgeony and cranky lately. She thinks I'm being too overly negative and not excited and in love with life. I'm too picky. So now that I've read this little pamphlet in honor of my sister Anne Marie:


I'm about to follow Jaime's prescribed medicine for Church Malaise: A healthy dose of Anne Lamott:

What I Get Paid to Do...

Basically, I get paid to watch stuff like this...



or this...



And my new all time favorite...



also mixed in with some video games and reading of books...oh yeah, and I also answer the occassional phone call and schedule appointments for our accademic advisors...

How to Control the Masses Without Really Trying...

Have you ever read a book that everyone is talking about, and says it's completely amazing, but when you read it you see something completely different and so appalling you're amazed people get away with it? That's how I feel about A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards.

A good friend of mine had recommended it and my dad had it on his book shelf, so I borrowed it. The reviews on Amazon and elsewhere that I've read on it all talk about how it's a great book for people who are suffering. People who maybe are (or recently have been) under tyrannical/abusive relationships with other believers or authority figures in church. But when I read it, I didn't walk away feeling better about myself or challenged to live a better Christian life, as many of the reviewers said I would. I walked away from it thinking, "Are people really buying into this bullshit?" (Sorry about the language, but it's really bugging me).

Here's my take on the theme of the book: if you're in a bad relationship in a Church or if you're in a church with an abusive pastor; sucks to be you. Grin and bear it, you can't leave or offer up any sort of dissent because that rebellion comes from ego, and if you give into that rebellion you're no better, or could potentially become that person. No wonder this book is being taught from the pulpit! It essentially says put up or shut up. You can do nothing about your situation, because the person who is abusing you might not really be abusing you in God's eyes, and the big man upstairs isn't going to tell you. So don't rock the boat, if you do you're bad!

Pastors are handing out this little $9 booklet left and right and I can't imagine why. You have problems with what I'm doing? I'm sorry, I'll do better. Here read this nice book, it'll help put things in perspective and quell any further criticism you may have. Wow, you just came from an abusive church so you're kinda' grumpy, why don't I not acknowledge your abuse and help you work through it; instead give you this nice booklet that tells you not to be too critical because I don't need another person to rock the boat here.

I mean, come on people! The one group of people that Jesus was critical and harsh with were the religious leaders of his time. The implications of many of the stories of demon possession is that the very religious system that Jesus was challenging was the enabler of the demon and they could be seen as in collusion with one another. Didn't the Reformation come from people challenging the abusive authoritarian powers of the Church at that time? I find it telling that this book is getting mass publication and reading during a time when many people are seeing a new reformation on the horizon. It seems a thinly veiled attempt at establishment trying to quiet the mass of those who would seek to challenge the answers of an age that is increasingly becoming irrelevant.

Anyway, sorry, rant is over...

Oh, and can you really trust someone whose glossy looks like this?

Labels: A long Post....

Typically I'm opposed to labeling people, including myself. It always seemed so restrictive and demeaning. How could I possibly be confined to a set of words? Am I Jewish? Am I Christian? Am I something else? What are you? Is it at all important? I'm starting to think that for some reason people need labels for things. It helps to put the world in perspective, and know where you stand in relation to other people. But I think it's important that the label applied to the person is one that they accept and embrace and not something that we impose on them.

How does this come up? It came up for several reasons, but mostly because I'm not really comfortable with being called a Christian (as I mentioned before). I connect Christianity with something else...Pat Robertson, Christian Coalition, Campus Crusade, Rick Warren, etc. None of whom I really...connect with...none of whom really speaks to me/for me as a believer in God and Jesus' teachings.

This sort of mini-identity crisis came up because I'm constantly asked what I am. I'm not Jewish, I haven't converted, and don't plan on it. But I love the teachings of the Rabbis and much of what traditional Judaism offers. I know the tractates of the Talmud; I know who the Tanaim and the Amoraim are; I know what the difference is between Halacha and Agadah and can use them in an argument with most of my Jewish friends.

But I can also flop between the Rabbis and Jesus in the same breath, and arguing for the same point. On one message board, it brought confussion as to whether or not I believed Jesus was the Son of God because I moved between the Talmud and New Testament without batting an eye. I love the teachings of Jesus and I don't see a great difference between what he taught and what the Rabbis taught (e.g. both hold Deuteronomy 6.4-9 as the greatest commandment). I study the gospels quite a bit and know most of the storie fairly well. I'm learning Greek so that I can read the New Testament (among other things) in Greek because I hate translations (I should add that to the list of things I'm skeptical about) I really want to know what he was saying and try to understand all of the implications.

At the same time, I don't believe that you have to believe in Jesus to be saved (honestly I think of eternal salvation as a moot point). I think anyone from any religious background can merit salvation by loving their neighbor. The dividing line for Jesus was not belief in him, but how you treated the poor and downcast (a la the sheep and goats, etc). I hug this dividing line between the two traditions which makes both sides not quite comfortable with me (although my non-Christian friends tend to be more comfortable around me than my Christian friends).

So what am I? This question has been plaguing me for sometime, and only recently have I come up with something that I can feel comfortable with: Existential Christ-following Humanist. Let me break it down for you, so that we're all on the same page:

Existential: This world is what matters more than the next. We are to take care of people now, the planet now and should be ultimatly concerned with what is happening here.

Christ-Following: For me, the ultimate example of God's love is seen in Jesus. Not so much in his death but in the life he lived. The life that lead to his dying. Where oppressive authority structures were challenged, care for the poor and needy was the ultimate concern and how we treat others is ultimately how we treat God.

Humanist: I believe man can achieve the realm of God. We are to be the agents of God in building his kingdom. God has chosen humanity to be the image of the divine in the secular. We cannot continue to think we are worms and dust, but that we are glorious creatures made in the image of God. We are in a sense a part of the Divine, and we should try to find that part in all of us.

Honestly I was quite surprised by how freeing labeling myself was. Maybe it reflects a lack of maturity on my part, but to be able to say, "Look this is what I am..." actually offers a bit of stability for me. Maybe labels can be beneficial in some degree or another. Unless your Jaime and choose to label yourself a Christian Sociopath....

For Brice

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Dont want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
(turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I cant trace time

Cha Cha Cha Changes!

Yes, blogger is making some changes to it's format, so I decided to take the plunge earlier, by signing up for the beta. This also gives me an opportunity to change, my template. I keep, simplifying, simplifying, simplifying... I can't edit the html just yet, so some of the banners and stuff will have to wait until then, but otherwise, I'm ready to go! Except now I have to go through all my previous blogs and label them, 'cause I think labels are cool!

A New Christianity for a New World

So I just finished this book today. Generally speaking, I don't care for Bishop Spong's writings, his scholarship is dated and his treatment of the Bible is, at times, too reckless. But let me say that I really enjoyed reading this book, and I would recommend anyone who is looking to expand their view of Christianity and get a vision for a new type of Church to read this.

Once again, I don't agree with everything that Spong argues, especially in the first part of the book. His deconstruction of Theism is, for me, deeply flawed. I have run into too many "coincidences" in my life, to believe that God is completely uninvolved, but I've also run into too much suffering to believe that God is completely involved (at least to the degree that most mainline evangelical Christians believe). Spong continues to be, for me at least, too far out there in his dismissive nature of the role of the Divine in our everyday lives.

But the last half of the book, his reconstruction of Christianity, evangelism, prayer and the Church is completely compelling. Ironically, in this section, many of his conclusions, I would like to take even further. If you already have problems with the way Christianity currently operates, you could even skip the first six chapters and start with his vision of Christianity beyond "Theism" in chapter seven. Or if you're not sure, or appreciate new challenges to your way of thinking and understanding the world take the time to read from the beginning, it's worth your time.

If nothing else, even though much of Spong's methodology doesn't resonate with me, I'm appreciating more and more his willingness to think outside the box that we tend to put God into. His challenges to traditional understandings push me to reconsider the foundations upon which my own beliefs and faith issues stand. If you come from a traditional background but have yet to find a Christianity that is significant to you read it today.

Welcome Isabe!!

Jaime's birthday just became that much more exciting for the family, because now there's two birthdays to celebrate! My brother, Ben and his wife Julie welcomed their first child, Isabel Florence Kessler. Congrats to all, and Crazy Uncle Ben (as my kids call him) gets to become Crazy Daddy!! MAZEL TOV!

Happy Birthday Jaime!

I'm totally not good at this stuff, but it's Jaime's birthday today! I really can't imagine a better woman to be married to. Her compassion and care for other people puts me to shame. I can't be more grateful for all of her patience with everything I put her through in the past few years. After nearly 11 years of marriage, I'm discovering that what Jaime said last night is true: Women do get better with age.

Thoughts On Various Profound and Unprofound Topics

Jesus never publicly declared who he was, and never gave any direct formulaic argument on his relation to God, or other apologetic discourse. Instead he said that his actions told who he was and all his teachings had to do with how we treat other people. Therefore, if we try to convince people with apologetics, or try to make a case for Christ, etc are we committing a sin? We aren't following the example of Jesus who we're supposed to be imitating nor following his teaching of letting our good works be seen by men that they might glorify our father in heaven. I find it interesting that we use the teaching of salt and light, being a city on a hill and those other images to teach that we should be "witnesses." In reality, those teachings are purely ethical; they were meant to encourage us to righteousness (deeds) not formulaic arguments on who Christ is or the four spiritual laws as a way to eternal life.

I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable with the label of Christian for myself. There's just too much baggage with it (both personally and within society). So I offer the new non-threatening label: Puppy Pals of Jesus... of course, if your allergic to dogs that might have it's own baggage.
Seriously, as far as labels go here's my new one for me: Existential Christ Following Humanist.

The first season of 24 has too many plot holes, are they covered in the next season or just dropped? If they just leave them, I don't know if I really like the show, too sloppily written...also too many camera men were seen on camera, aren't they supposed to be behind the camera?

Do people make gay jokes because they're uncomfortable with their own sexuality? Is it really that scary that you have to demean the people by making them a by-word for something bad? That's so hetero!

Brice, you should just give up on MSN and start over on blogspot. Come to the new evil empire: Google! I use their search engine, blog, calendar and e-mail. I no longer have a soul, but I'm very organized (not to mention addicted to Google Earth).

Confessions of a Skeptic

It has been revealed to me that I might be overly...skeptical... Things that I am skeptical about (in no particular order):

1) The Moon Landing
2) The Mars Rovers
3) Pictures from the Hubble Telescope
4) Anyone who's getting paid by a church
5) The latest terrorism threats
6) Really, anything that comes from the White House
7) Who am I kidding? Anything that comes from a politician
8) History

Maybe I should seek help for this...

Following Faith's Lead...

You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world. Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them. When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well. But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

What's Your Beer Personality?

How did they know???

You Are 26% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it. But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over. On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead... And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

I know, I know, I was hoping for less, but what can I do? I like dark beer, but it's Guiness, or Negra Modelo that should count for less...

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 40%

Gluttony: 20%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Envy: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die while sleeping - and no one will notice.

How Sinful Are You?

Woo hoo!! With only a 14% chance of going to hell...I'm in like Flynn!

Nizlopi Start Beginning Tiscali Session

These guys are my new musical obsession...also check out their JCB video here (oh and yes, he's beat boxing...cool...)

Have to get this off my chest:

Since I was a Jewish Studies major and am now getting my masters in Hebrew, the first question out of every Christian (a gross generalization, sorry) I meet is, "What do you think about what's going on in Israel?" The frequency of this question has obviously increased over the past month, and there is a direct correlation to my frustration and the frequency of these questions.

Why you ask? Because I think Israel really screwed up on this one. Are the hundreds of civilians that have been killed in the bombings on both sides really worth the lives of the two soldiers taken by Hezbolah? I don't think so. It also doesn't help that I'm a pacifist and find any form of violence appalling. So then I inevitably get into a debate about violence and pacifism and the teachings of Jesus, defending so called "just wars," which I don't think exist.

Then the conversation invariably (unless of course I manage to duck out before it gets that far) goes to an end times/rapture/dispensation argument. I have to point out that prophecy doesn't really foretell the future, as much as warn about likely scenarios. That apocalyptic literature really has nothing to do with our times as much as it has to do with the political maneuvering of the time of the writer. It usually comes out that I don't believe in the rapture, that humanity is supposed to build the kingdom of God and we've done a piss poor job of it because we keep responding to violence with violence. If people would just understand that violence does nothing other than beget more violence, and that turning the other cheek and loving our enemies could have amazing political implications the world would be amazing.

Really, that teaching is one of the main reasons I'm a Christian. Out of all of the monotheistic religions, Christianity is the only one that (at least originally) teaches non-violence at all costs. It doesn't teach retaliation, it doesn't teach justification of war via spiritual means. Instead, Jesus teaches to love your enemies, to bless those who curse you and not drop bombs on them.

Back to Matthew 18

Okay, go here and here to see the previous posts on Matthew 18.15-17 also see the comments left by Lauren especially her post on her on-line journal that I linked to in the second post.

I've been wanting to go back to this passage and creatively reinterpret it, but I had been delaying because I couldn't really find another interpretation other than the mainstream interpretation. If that interpretation is accurate, as I posted before, I really reject that train of thought as not being a valid teaching of Jesus. However, having read Rabbi Greenberg's book on Homosexuality and his description of the Jewish view of the Bible has inspired me to follow Lauren's suggestion and to look for a different interpretation.

Having said all that, I feel like I need to be completely honest here. I still find verse 17 problematic as a teaching from Jesus. The use of the Greek word translated here as "church" (ekklesia) is used in all of the gospels only one other time also in Matthew (16.18) which is best understood as a comment from Jesus that a new community will be built upon Peter's declaration of Jesus as messiah. But if we read ekklesia in Matthew 18 as the specific community built around Peter you're still dealing with the Church, and you have the problem of Jesus giving advice on how to run the Church many years before it began.

Also, I have to admit that the reading of "gentiles and tax collectors" that I propose is unique to the meaning of gentiles and tax collectors as Jesus employs those terms, especially in Matthew. These terms are used in Matthew specifically to represent those who are wicked, evil or highly impure and should be avoided. So that, if Jesus did give this teaching about his coming community, it really could have no other meaning than to make the unrepentant outcasts. This seems to me to go against everything that Jesus represented in his life and other teachings...that is that God is found in the outcasts, forgiveness is unending (for instance the question from Peter in Matt 18) and other teachings of acceptance and love.

However, if we remove only verse 17 which is the only problem verse in this scenario (it mentions church and gentile/tax collector). The rest of the passage makes much more sense. Once the passage of condemnation is removed, the statement of wherever two or three are gathered connects directly to the number of witnesses needed as Jesus quotes Deuteronomy in 16 and the connection to the following question of forgiveness by Peter, flows nicely as well. All of this leads me, if I'm going to be honest, to continue to argue that verse 17 is added in by a later scribe seeking to justify their harsh treatment of dissenters (Christian scribes are notorious, btw, for amending texts to suit their theological needs).

But there is still a part of me that says that this is scripture, and should be treated with respect and, even so called "trouble passages" should be left in for a possible new interpretation. So I offer the following re-reading in an attempt to leave this verse in the text and still understand it within the larger framework of Jesus' teaching.

It must be pointed out that the passages of binding and loosing, and where two are gathered in the name of Jesus are specifically referencing forgiveness (or condemnation) of the offender's sin (see John 20.23). Jesus is telling the apostles that they have the authority to condemn or forgive anyone. As far as Jesus is concerned, their decisions are final. So, when immediately following this passage, Peter asks Jesus how often they should forgive, it seems likely that he is seeking further guidance on this teaching. Jesus' response is then a clarification on his earlier teaching--the clarification being to always forgive.

Therefore, the command to treat those Christians as "gentiles and tax collectors" seems to me not to encourage excommunication, but rather shows a status within the community. They should be regarded as weak in faith or as young Christians (see Romans 14) which their actions reveal them to be. To me it seems counter productive to keep people from the communion table, let alone fellowship with the community. It is, in a sense, declaring someone a non-Christian. It is a stance of unforgiveness, which goes against Jesus' clarification with Peter later on. Therefore to use this passage as a guideline for church discipline with some form of disassociation with the believer is actually, in my opinion, to loose the meaning of the passage.

A New Form of Church

What if we totally changed the way a church looked.

What if church services were agreed upon times to...well...serve. Like instead of meeting in the same building every week singing a variety of the 20 songs that the worship team knows/likes (I can say that because I'm on one of my church's worship teams) the church met at a park where the homeless are known to hang out and they bring free food and actually eat with them and spend time getting to know them.

What if the next week the church service was on Saturday and they went to the home of an elderly widow and helped her clean her house, bring her food and spend time in fellowship with her.

What if instead of spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on building a new super huge, state of the art building, the church spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on helping people pay their mortgage, get out of debt, eat, get medicine, etc. Do you know how many goats the average church could buy for people in third world countries if they just got rid of their building funds? I don't either, but I bet it would be a lot. What if the amount of time and energy various churches spent on building campaigns was instead spent on feeding the poor campaigns?

Do you think you could get people to come to those churches? What if you said to your friend, "Come to my church our service this week is eating with the homeless at Goodale Park, and next week we're going down by the river and doing the same thing, the Saturday after that our church service is at Mrs. So and So's house. Her husband died last year and she needs some help done around the house, and some people are making her food..." I would like to go to that kind of church...

A Jewish Reading of Scripture

I'm reading the book Wrestling with God and Men: Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition by Rabbi Steven Greenberg. Rabbi Greenberg is an Orthodox Rabbi and he's also openly gay (he came out many years after his ordination and the first chapter is his story of dealing with the fact that he's gay). Because he's Orthodox he feels compelled to read the Torah as the word of God; because he's gay he has a problem dealing with those verses that condemn male homosexuality. If you're interested in a way of reading the text that both honors it and moves it beyond it's probable original intent this is a great book. But that's not what I'm writing about.

He describes the Rabbinic view of scripture very succinctly, and the way they handle the Torah has always been something that I have greatly admired. So here is his description of Torah from a Jewish point of view:

"While [Judaism] refused to relegate scriptural passages into a distant and irrelevant past, it also refused to read the Torah as if it meant and has always meant only one thing. The Torah is black fire upon white fire, which bears specific and different meanings depending on the living-reading-observing community. In the first century the schools of Hillel and Shammai differed greatly on many issues and often had competely opposing interpretations. The rabbis claimed that 'both these and those are the words of the living God' (Babylonian Talmud Eruvin 13b). If two opposing understandings of Scripture can both be the word of God, there must be no final reading of any verse. All verses in the Torah are pregnant with multiple meanings, some on the surface, others more deeply hidden, and some yet unborn.

"Traditional reading demands that one approach the verses in Leviticaus as covenantal duty. That we ought to be committed in advance of our reading to uphold the verses in question is not to say that we know in advance what they actually forbid or require us to do. Even though they may have meant something particular in the past, they also speak today. As the psalmist teaches, the Torah is given 'today--if you will hearken to his voice' (Ps 95.7).

"Those unfamiliar with Jewish reading of Scripture may find the barage of questions...unusual. Questions are a hallmark of Jewish spirituality. They are a great cultural paradox in that they both destabilize and secure social norms. Questions tend to spread power around; they are a democratizing force. Comfort with questions conveys a fundamental trust in the good sense of people...

"It is for this reason that God loves it when we ask why. We celebrate challenging the Torah to make sense and above all to be a defensible expression of divine goodness. When we ask good questions, the Torah is given anew on Sinai at that very moment."

Today I Saw An Amish Guy Riding A Harley

His license plate even said Amish. I'm hoping this gang is for real.

An aborted post...

So, I was thinking....wait, um...no never mind I wasn't...

I Need Help...

Hello, my name is Ben, and I'm a coffee addict...

It's um...about 10 am in the morning and I'm working on my 6th cup of coffee. I've been up since 7am, but I didn't have time to get coffee at home so I've been drinking coffee since 8.30 making for an average of...a lot of cups an hour...I'm not joking...it's sad really. I'm just sitting here at work, reading books surfing the net and drinking coffee. I keep telling myself I can quit whenever I want, it's not a big deal...I mean come on I buy Fairtrade coffee...I'm a good person...It's not like I'm hurting anyone. Come on man, GIVE ME A BREAK!!! I'm sorry...I didn't mean that really ...sigh...I'm...so...sorry....But look It'snotlikethecaffienehasanysortofeffectonmeanymoreitsjustlikewatertomysystem ....And I drink it black too, that's got to count for something. None of that diabetes causin' sugar crap or milk...I mean have you ever drunk like 3 cups of coffee with cream in an hour...that stuff messes you up, sits in your stomach like concrete...it's horrible...Black's easier for other people too..."How do you take your coffee?""Black." If I said with cream and/or sugar, then you have the added anxiety of how much cream, how much sugar, did I make it too light, too dark, too sweet, no I don't have cream, but I have milk is that ok, I'm sorry I just have sugar, I don't have any Splenda. Can you see the added stress brought on by all you non-black-coffee-bastardizing-people-out-there-do-you-DO-YOU!!??!! Damn...I did it again...sorry...it's just that, I'm used to more coffee and I'm getting all jittery and and and...stuff...I need another cup...I'll be right back....

Now What?

Here I am with this flamin' DSL and I can't figure out what to do next...Any suggestions?

So Long AOL, It Was Fun While It Lasted

We've made the decision to become upstanding citizens and stop mooching off AOL. For almost three years we've had free internet service thanks to AOL's ubiquitous free trial offers, but the time has come for us to part ways. Once in a blue moon we'd forget to cancel our free trial and get charged for a month and that was okay. We figured we probably owed them something. But the last few months we've been getting a crazy number of charges from multiple accounts we didn't have and it all added up to over a hundred and fifty dollars. That was not okay.

Because I'm a wonderful husband and provider for my family I sorted it all out with AOL and the bank. Our money will be returned and now I am a hero. But all this has tarnished our relationship with AOL. Things have become complex. It's no longer the trusting, they give while we take relationship that we've nurtured all these years. They want money up front now for their free trials and that's just not the kind of friendship I'm into. Love is unconditional and if AOL can't see that then it's time for both of us to move on.

The woman on the phone said that AOL changed their free trial system because people were actually using the free trials and then canceling just so they could start another free trial. I said, "Yeah, I'm one of those people." And she quickly said, "No offense." And really I wasn't offended. What did they expect me to do? Pay 25 bucks for dial-up every month out of my pathetic student's income when I could get it for free? Come on, I tried to cancel and for a straight year they wouldn't let me. No, no, no--we have really great services, don't cancel, we'll give you another two months for free. What was I supposed to do? Those call service people work hard, I didn't want to hurt their feelings so I (reluctantly) accepted their generous offers.

But now they collect their money up front and then return it after you've cancelled. If you're one day late canceling you could be out 75 bucks for a "free" three month trial. Even though AOL and I have worked long and hard at our relationship, it's just too much to risk. So I have decided to start anew with yahoo high speed. For 12.99 a month we'll have a chance to forge a new relationship of faster internet service that won't take up my phone line. It's not free, but it will have to do. And the cheap price only lasts for a year so I can only see more cancellations in our future.

Unfortunately, all this has made me fear commitment and expect rejection and betrayal. I'm looking over my shoulder now. Everything feels temporary. I'm a drifter in this world--no internet home, no more safety and stability. I've been burned and it's going to take a long, long time to get over this.

Thank You, BILLIE!!!

This morning we got a knock at the door during breakfast. We thought it was one of the neighborhood pests, er . . . darling children wanting Moira to play. So we sent Moira to open the door but it was NOT a neighborhood pest, it was our neighbor Billie bearing a very special package. It seems that this--ended up in her mailbox instead of ours. Is the mailman trying to kill me?!? I've been waiting for my diploma for a month and a half and he has to give it to our neighbor instead?!? Oh well, that's what I get for not joining the masses for commencement.

Did you notice the name on that diploma? No? Allow me to zoom in a bit for you.

Yes, folks, that's my name on that diploma. Little 'ol me done went and graduated. Yessir!

Allright, allright, I know we already went over this--I finally graduated, blah, blah, blah, eleven years, blah, blah, blah. But now I have my diploma and I get to brag all over again. Yee-haaa!!!

You can't see me, but I'm doing a little dance right now.

Okay, I'm done.

Food Fun

Inspired by my post on Squash Jello, Jessica left a link in the comments to a web site....It deserves more than a mere comment link. It needs full page exposure....So I offer:

Weight Watchers gone wrong...

What was I thinking complaining about geletanized squash? At least she didn't make me

Bean and Mushroom Salad:

















You really need to click on the link to fully experience the gelatinzed beans and mushrooms, not to mention beverages made from water, sherry extract and beef bouillon...I'm not kidding. And so much mackerel you have no idea... Thanks Jessica!

The perks of part time work...

I get to see where the kids play during the day....like the top of our closet.

Imagine my surprise when I hear coming from the closet, "Daddy I'm up high! Come see!" And so I see this little head poking our from behind our old changing table. And she says, "Look! I a big kid! I touching the ceiling!" ahh, childhood.

An Interesting Verse

In church this week, our pastor was arguing for an inclusive Christianity. While he probably wouldn't take it as far as I would, he did point out an interesting verse:

1 Timothy 4.10 (NASB95)
We have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers.

Is Paul arguing for an inclusive Chrisitianity? Regardless of how you believe, God is the savior of all men?

Rebuilding Bridges

The only thing better than being blessed with the chance to rebuild bridges is to have the wisdom not to burn them in the first place. But alas, we don't always have that foresight. Take a recent experience of mine.

On Friday, I finally had an opportunity to begin to rebuild a friendship that I had broken nearly ten years ago. In high school, Brice and I were practically inseparable. He was truly my best friend. We could always sit down and shoot the breeze maybe get into some heated arguments but we were always friends. He was always there for me, if I needed to chat about something, ask a question or talk about God he would listen, argue and never judge. I loved that, and it was something that has been missing in my life as of late (like the last ten years).

Our relationship as friends started hitting the rocks as he was getting replaced by Jaime. While I can't say that I regret that part of it, I do wish I had kept both relationships going at the same time. But I didn't, we went our separate ways and lost contact with each other. I became a part of a tightly knit ingrown community which frowned on any real relationships with outsiders, and let many of those old relationships die on the vine.

Having come out of that Church just over a year ago, I've been searching most for a relationship with a man where I could be open, have someone to talk to and not be afraid of what was said. I kept thinking back through my life; was there anyone that I had known like that? I kept thinking about Brice. Finally, I got up the gumption to get back into contact and after much scheduling problems we got our acts together (which is a big accomplishment in itself--just ask our wives) and got together for lunch...for a two hour lunch.

It was great, refreshing, everything I remembered our old conversations being like although admittedly more mature (so who's complaining?). I hope we'll keep in contact now, and see each other much more often (once every 10 years isn't too hard to beat is it?). Anyway I wanted to share. A lesson learned the hard way: Beware of smoldering bridges; when they burn down, they might be too costly to rebuild.

created and © Rob Elliott

My Childhood Babysitter (Who Shall Remain Nameless)

When my parents were still married, they would take me and my brother to The Babysitter, one of their friends from church. This woman would become my childhood nemesis. Why you ask? Was it because she always took her kids' side when there was an argument, even though they were the ones lying? Was it because she would then wash my innocent mouth out with soap? Was it because when I would sneak around the house pretending to be a spy she accused me of dancing (which is a BIG no-no) and when I said I wasn't she accused me of lying and again washed my mouth out with soap? Was it because I became a connoisseur of soap in her house? No, even though any one of those things taken on their own would warrant my intense dislike, no, the reason she became my nemesis can be summed up in two little words:

SQUASH JELLO

I kid you not. This is the one memory that's seared its way into my mind. Whenever I think of this woman all I can think of is gelatinous squash...with stuff thrown in....ugh....She is so notorious that in my house she is referenced only as "Squash Jello Lady."

In my adult life my mom and I would go around and around, not about the babysitter's discipline habits or the merits of Dial in one's mouth over Ivory, but about the veracity of the dreaded squash jello. It became so heated one day that she called up the old babysitter on the sopt and asked her directly, "Did you ever feed my son (dramatic pause) squash Jello?" Of course she flatly denied it and made up some story of a squash casserole...but in my heart I know I'm right. I'm not going to wash my mouth out with soap this time, because I remember it. Jiggling and yellow, filled with fruit....it makes me break out in sweats just thinking about it.

I've tried to find an online recipe for this thing, but as of yet I've not succeeded. But in case you should doubt me that anyone could come up with something as horribly disgusting as squash jello I offer the following recipes that I have found:

Asparagus Casserole (note the name "Casserole" but notice its made with....gelatin)
Garden Vegetable Salad Mold
And it's not that hard to go from Squash Jelly...to a Squash Jello

And I was not alone in my suffering so if you need more evidence, ask Brad.

A Quote I needed to get down before I missed it

Faith that counts...is not the absence of doubt; it's the presence of action--Brian McLaren The Secret Message of Jesus

The Good Samaritan

I have been thinking about the story of the good Samaritan lately. And the offensive nature of the story on first century Jewish ears cannot be under estimated. To make the good guy to be a Samaritan really has no equivalent in modern day society. These people were universally despised by every Jewish person, and the feeling was mutual. Both the Jews and the Samaritans made the claim to being the true descendants of Israel. Both would rather see the other people be wiped out and destroyed. In fact a few generations before Jesus, one of the leaders of the Jewish people went up to Samaria and Mt Gerizim and destroyed the whole darn thing. These people hated each other. This is truly loving your enemies, that's why it's so disturbing to the man trying to justify himself that the person who showed himself to be a true follower of God's commands was not a pious Jew, but a pious Samaritan. As I was thinking about it, I came up with the following modern twist to emphasize a possible secondary understanding....

Jesus was in a church one night teaching about the greatest commandment and loving your neighbor. Afterwards, a man on the board of the church Jesus was teaching at, came up to him and asked, "but who exactly is my neighbor?"

Jesus proceeded to tell him this story:

One night a Christian man was walking down the dark streets of the south side of Chicago by himself. It was raining and he couldn't see where he was going. Eventually he took a wrong turn and was jumped by a bunch of thugs who beat the crap out of him, took everything of value and left him for dead.

Not long after that, a preacher came by and saw the man half lying in the alley and half lying out. He was considering stopping to help, but just then his cell phone rang; the rain had made him late for his board meeting and they were calling to see where he was. "I'm on my way, just got delayed in the rain is all," the preacher said, and he quickly went off. He's probably dead anyway, he thought to himself to assuage his conscience, not much I can do for him now.

Just as the preacher turned the corner, a worship leader came walking down the same street. He too saw the man dying in the alleyway, he glanced at his watch and noticed that he was already late to practice. We've got a lot of new music to cover tonight, he thought to himself as he passed by, I really can't stay. I'll say a prayer for him, when I get to practice, and he continued on his way.

The worship leader was just out of sight as a fundamentalist Muslim man approached the alley. He saw the man left for dead, and quickly ran to his side. The Muslim noticed the man was wearing a cross, but that didn't stop him. He quickly got out his cell phone and called for an ambulance. When the ambulance finally arrived the Muslim was still there waiting with the victim. He found out where they were taking the man and quickly found his way there. He stayed the entire night in the waiting room of the ER waiting for news of the status of the stranger. When he found out that the victim was in critical condition, but would be alright, the Muslim left all the cash he had with the nurse to give to the man when he recovered and took down the address of the hospital so he could send more money later, and then went on his way.

Jesus looked at the board member and asked, "Who was the neighbor to the man left for dead?"
The board member answered, "The one who called the ambulance."
To which Jesus replied, "Then go and do as the Muslim did."

I'm telling this story like this because I want to get beyond the obvious teaching of the story (i.e. everyone is my neighbor) and instead get to a more subtle implication. I wonder if we can extrapolate a teaching that may be uncomfortable to our exclusivist Christian minds. If someone, who is not Christian, by their actions actually affirms the teachings of Christ (i.e. loving your neighbor), whether they realize it or not, doesn't that show that they are really followers of Christ.

This kind of flows from Paul's argument in Romans. Don't those who obey the Torah, even though they never received it, show that it is in all actuality written on their hearts? The implication being, who are we to say that anyone, regardless of their faith, is actually an enemy of God when they end up doing the very thing that God commands. Don't their actions show that their heart is actually in line with God's teachings and as such are a part of God's kingdom, whether they realize it or not?